I never thought I'd be here

                     Updated photos of Debbie Soule

UPDATE!  She has married and is also going by the name  DEB FITZGERALD

 Before I begin, I wanted to urge you to go to the blog archive on the right and begin reading Nick's story from the beginning where I began in 2013.  I started this so everyone will know what Deborah Soule did,  how she viciously beat to death and murdered a sleeping two year old boy.  

Deborah Soule's maiden name is Debbie Barbas and she is from Brockport NY.  She now works at Hudson Link in Ossining NY but travels often to Brockport NY.  Reading through the transcripts, Deborah blames Nick's murder on many things, one of which is the abuse she endured as child by her father.  She further states that her mother did nothing about the abuse. She goes on to victim blame Nicholas himself, stating that he was delayed (he absolutely was not) and had some abnormally high tolerance for pain (which is also a lie). Debbie also states that Nick did not cry out during the attack.  Which is absurd.  God knows he did, Debbie, you know he did and so does your daughter, let's not forget she saw the whole thing.  Yes I am bitter, I will never get over this, but one thing you have wrong is telling people I am lying...you are the liar.  You are the manipulator and you are the evil murderer.   I hope you enjoy what you can in this life because I know you will rot in hell.    For people who you try to convince you simply "snapped" one night.  That is not true, you abused Nick for months and tried to blame it on your daughters, just like you tried to blame Nick's death on them as well.  I will never be quiet, I am not going anywhere.  I will forever be Nick's voice and make sure everyone knows what a monster you are. 

Here is the last transcript if you can stomach it. 

2021 Parole Transcript

   Nick and his Grandma<3

The monster has been released

 I am still trying to adjust to Deborah Soule's release from prison.  I apologize for my lack of words as this has been a difficult time for me and my family.  Deborah Soule was released into Queens NY.  I wanted to share a podcast that my sisters Patty and Michele did.  I want to thank them for doing what I could not do and thank the "Mourning the Murdered podcast" for caring about Nicholas and helping his voice be heard. 

Nick's Podcast

The monster is being released

 I was contacted a week before Christmas that instead of having her parole hearing in September 2021,  Deborah Soule (maiden name Deborah Barbas) was receiving a new parole hearing ASAP.  I found out she is now being released at the beginning of March.  I will update with more information soon.  

I am so Grateful for all of you!

Deborah Soule's parole was denied!  Her next parole hearing date is September 2021.  I am sorry it has taken so long to update everyone, but I took a step back to take a deep breathe and relax for a little bit.  I was so afraid she was going to be released this time and as much as I try for it to not, it really does affect my everyday life.  For months I have worried (and that is putting it mildly).  I would try to imagine how life would be if she was released from prison and I can not get past the fact that it would just be so wrong if she was free.  No amount of time in prison could ever be enough to make up for what she did to Nick.  Her being in prison is the only solace I have. But I wanted to thank all of you for caring about Nick, and helping me and my family as we go through this time after time.  I have read every signature and every comment on the petition, and I am deeply grateful for each and every one of you. 

January 2019 means another year of facing possible parole.

Yesterday was 24 years since Nick was murdered by Deborah Soule.  That is 8779 days since I have been able to see or hold my son.  When I write that now, it seems like such a long time.  But in my mind it will always feel like yesterday.  No amount of time can take away what she did to Nicholas.  He was a person, his life mattered.  What she made him endure is unimaginable.  It breaks me to think of  what she did to him, how scared he must have been and he endured it alone. Deborah goes out of her way to not talk about what she did.  As does her family.  They  try to hide it and that sickens me. I have been in touch with people who have been close to her, some have even been in prison with her.  They all say the same thing, she never has even mentioned Nick's name.  Nick would be 26 now.  So many what if's.  So many could of's.  I have no hope of ever watching him get married.  I have no hope of holding his children. I never got to watch him grow up into a man.   I like to think he would be a husband and father now.  I try to imagine what he would look like, but all I will ever have is a dream.   I read through all of the parole transcripts yesterday, and you know what Deborah Soule has?  She has hope of getting out.  Getting out to be with her daughters and to be able to hold her grandchildren.   She portrays herself as someone who just snapped one day and that simply isn't true.  She abused Nick for months.  She is the worse kind of evil, she preys on the weak and the innocent.  The ones who can't fight back.  Well this Momma can and will fight back.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  I will not "move on" and  I will not "get over it".  Not Ever.  Deborah Soule goes up for parole again later this year.  Please help me be Nick's voice and sign the petition against her release.  Here is the link for the petition 2019 Petition  A letter to the Parole Board will also help greatly.  Here is the link to the Parole Board for letters Letter to Parole Board  Please use her DIN # 96G0391.  Thank you all for your kindness and support.  Together we can be Nick's voice and stand up against this monster.

If you want to read his story you can click on Blog Archive and then click on 2013, Nick's story starts there. 

Parole was denied!

Last week I received the news that Deborah Soule's parole was denied.  She will go before the parole board again in September of 2019.  Thank you all for standing with me to be Nick's voice!  This time around was harder, not just for me, but my whole family.  The wait was awful.  But I am willing to continue to do this, if it means that monster stays behind bars where she belongs.  It is nothing compared to what she made my son endure. Deborah Soule truly has no remorse.  These last several months have been eye opening for me. I have found support in some unexpected places, and for that I am truly grateful.  There is no final "closure" to be had here.  The pain she has caused in so many lives is immeasurable.  Many people have reached out to me.  Even some who have been incarcerated with Debbie over the years.  They all have said the same thing to me.  That Deborah Soule could care less about what she did to Nick.  She continues to lie and manipulate and tries to act like she has done nothing wrong, like Nick never existed. But he did, and she beat him to death in a fit of jealousy after abusing him for months then sat by and let him suffer for hours.  My family and I will NEVER let him or what she did be forgotten.  EVER.

Thank you all so much for your signatures and letters of support.  Together, we are Nick's voice! 

Such an outpouring of love and support!

When I was young, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a mom.  It took me a long time to even be able to share that with people, because these days we are all supposed to reach for the stars and aspire to be doctors or lawyers.  But me, all I wanted was a family and to be happy.  I was so excited when I learned we were pregnant for Nick, we were young, but we were going to make it.  I never dreamed any of this would happen to my son.  NEVER.  There is such a fine line I have to try and walk, between my past and present.  I stumble and fall, but you all help me get back up again.  You all help make it that much more bearable.  I can not thank you all enough for signing and sharing our petition.  Many of you have reached out to me with such love and kindness.  I really believe it is important to try and find the light, no matter how dark things may seem, well this is my light.  To see that there are so many good people out there, that care for my Nicholas.  We now have over 7,000 signatures, over 7,000 people have
banded together to be Nick's voice, and for that I am truly grateful.

Below is the slide show my sister Faith made for the Parole Board.

Slide Show for the Parole Board