I carry Nick with me everyday. His murder is always just below the surface for me. It doesn't take much to scratch it open. Sometimes its looking at his pictures, or hearing a song come on the radio. Every day it is an effort to try and not focus on what happened to him, but rather on the bright and shiny little boy that he was. I say over and over to myself "Focus on what you do have, Focus on the good." Today all I can think is " But there is an awful lot you don't have, an awful lot you wont ever have". I didn't get to watch him grow, I wont ever hold him, or know how it feels to hold my grandchildren. NEVER. No matter what I do, I will never have the one thing I long for. This was the first time I have ever heard what Deborah Soule had to say about her actions that have so profoundly affected my life. I can't get Deborah Soule's words out of my head. "He was just there....." That is her explanation. After twenty years, THAT is why. It just infuriates me. That monster has no concept of what she did to my son. The most emotion she had at her entire parole hearing was when she said how she "was very moved" that her son-in-law wrote a letter of recommendation. That woman is pure evil, and disgusting. All she ever thinks about is herself.
I think the most truth about what happened that night, lays in what an inmate who was housed with Deborah Soule said. She stated that Debbie told her (this is documented in the presentence investigation report and a Parole Commissioner quoted it during her hearing) that .Randy and Debbie had a fight. Randy left. Nick wouldn't stop crying, so she told him to shut up and go to sleep. Then she went into the room and kicked and kneed him and then left him to cry himself to sleep. Reading those words and knowing that is what happened, hurts me so deep I can't even find words to describe. He was beaten, scared, and left alone. While my son lay slowly dying on the floor, she was having sex in the next room with his father. It all is just so sick. If that isn't pure evil, I don't know what is.
Please, click on the link below to write a letter to the Parole Board to keep her in prison where she belongs. She goes up for parole AGAIN in September of 2015. The fact that my family and I have to do this yet AGAIN is completely unfair. Twice in one year, because Deborah Soule has rights, is totally ridiculous.
Do you want to know who I have the most admiration for? Parents who can forgive the monsters who have murdered their children. It is a place I would very much like to get to, but I don't know that I can. I have waited twenty one years to hear what Deborah Soule had to say about the day she viciously beat my little boy. Twenty one years! But still there is NO explaination. NONE. Her first time up for parole it was "He was just there" this time it was nothing but excuses and lies. LIES. I am just angered more than ever. Where can you find solice in lies? She also tries to play victim, like it was so tramatic for her. Deborah Soule, you will get yours, if not in this lifetime, then in the next. You seem to have forgotten quite a bit in just the few months between parole hearings, well here is a little refresher for you...FACT....you broke up a family. You cheated with MY husband. Then you for whatever reason didn't like Nicholas. It was pure jealousy plain and simple. You abused him for MONTHS. You fractured his skull in November, bruised his ear, left many bruises and scratches all over his body. You tormented him when ever you got the chance. A TWO YEAR OLD BABY BOY. Then, after Randy spent the entire day with Nick and I on Friday, January 13, 1995 talking about reuniting our family you couldn't handle it and the minute you were able, the minute you thought no one was watching you viciously and mercilessly beat my son, a two year old baby and watched him suffer with ZERO remorse. All over a man. Is this a reminder enough for you? Does it all ring a bell now? You are not the victim Deborah Soule. My two year old son is. 
