I carry Nick with me everyday. His murder is always just below the surface for me. It doesn't take much to scratch it open. Sometimes its looking at his pictures, or hearing a song come on the radio. Every day it is an effort to try and not focus on what happened to him, but rather on the bright and shiny little boy that he was. I say over and over to myself "Focus on what you do have, Focus on the good." Today all I can think is " But there is an awful lot you don't have, an awful lot you wont ever have". I didn't get to watch him grow, I wont ever hold him, or know how it feels to hold my grandchildren. NEVER. No matter what I do, I will never have the one thing I long for. This was the first time I have ever heard what Deborah Soule had to say about her actions that have so profoundly affected my life. I can't get Deborah Soule's words out of my head. "He was just there....." That is her explanation. After twenty years, THAT is why. It just infuriates me. That monster has no concept of what she did to my son. The most emotion she had at her entire parole hearing was when she said how she "was very moved" that her son-in-law wrote a letter of recommendation. That woman is pure evil, and disgusting. All she ever thinks about is herself.
I think the most truth about what happened that night, lays in what an inmate who was housed with Deborah Soule said. She stated that Debbie told her (this is documented in the presentence investigation report and a Parole Commissioner quoted it during her hearing) that .Randy and Debbie had a fight. Randy left. Nick wouldn't stop crying, so she told him to shut up and go to sleep. Then she went into the room and kicked and kneed him and then left him to cry himself to sleep. Reading those words and knowing that is what happened, hurts me so deep I can't even find words to describe. He was beaten, scared, and left alone. While my son lay slowly dying on the floor, she was having sex in the next room with his father. It all is just so sick. If that isn't pure evil, I don't know what is.
Please, click on the link below to write a letter to the Parole Board to keep her in prison where she belongs. She goes up for parole AGAIN in September of 2015. The fact that my family and I have to do this yet AGAIN is completely unfair. Twice in one year, because Deborah Soule has rights, is totally ridiculous.
