Life has a way of humbling us. Its a long, hard journey. In the hopes of helping someone else that has lived the horror I have, I have begun to think about forgiveness, and what that means to me. It’s something I dared never think about before, because of how unfathomable Nick’s murder was and how much I love him. I have hung onto all the hate almost as a banner to show my love for Nick. But, I need peace. I don’t think forgiveness is a simple destination, but something that ebbs and flows and will take time. I don’t want Nick’s legacy to be filled with hate, when he was filled with so much love and joy and that’s what I am going to focus on moving forward.
Deborah Soule murdered my child
Wednesday, May 17, 2023
Friday, June 4, 2021
I never thought I'd be here
UPDATE! She has married and is also going by the name DEB FITZGERALD
Before I begin, I wanted to urge you to go to the blog archive on the right and begin reading Nick's story from the beginning where I began in 2013. I started this so everyone will know what Deborah Soule did, how she viciously beat to death and murdered a sleeping two year old boy.
Deborah Soule's maiden name is Debbie Barbas and she is from Brockport NY. She now works at Hudson Link in Ossining NY but travels often to Brockport NY. Reading through the transcripts, Deborah blames Nick's murder on many things, one of which is the abuse she endured as child by her father. She further states that her mother did nothing about the abuse. She goes on to victim blame Nicholas himself, stating that he was delayed (he absolutely was not) and had some abnormally high tolerance for pain (which is also a lie). Debbie also states that Nick did not cry out during the attack. Which is absurd. God knows he did, Debbie, you know he did and so does your daughter, let's not forget she saw the whole thing. Yes I am bitter, I will never get over this, but one thing you have wrong is telling people I am lying...you are the liar. You are the manipulator and you are the evil murderer. I hope you enjoy what you can in this life because I know you will rot in hell. For people who you try to convince you simply "snapped" one night. That is not true, you abused Nick for months and tried to blame it on your daughters, just like you tried to blame Nick's death on them as well. I will never be quiet, I am not going anywhere. I will forever be Nick's voice and make sure everyone knows what a monster you are.
Here is the last transcript if you can stomach it.
Nick and his Grandma<3
Thursday, March 18, 2021
The monster has been released
I am still trying to adjust to Deborah Soule's release from prison. I apologize for my lack of words as this has been a difficult time for me and my family. Deborah Soule was released into Queens NY. I wanted to share a podcast that my sisters Patty and Michele did. I want to thank them for doing what I could not do and thank the "Mourning the Murdered podcast" for caring about Nicholas and helping his voice be heard.
Saturday, February 20, 2021
The monster is being released
I was contacted a week before Christmas that instead of having her parole hearing in September 2021, Deborah Soule (maiden name Deborah Barbas) was receiving a new parole hearing ASAP. I found out she is now being released at the beginning of March. I will update with more information soon.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
I am so Grateful for all of you!
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
January 2019 means another year of facing possible parole.
Yesterday was 24 years since Nick was murdered by Deborah Soule. That is 8779 days since I have been able to see or hold my son. When I write that now, it seems like such a long time. But in my mind it will always feel like yesterday. No amount of time can take away what she did to Nicholas. He was a person, his life mattered. What she made him endure is unimaginable. It breaks me to think of what she did to him, how scared he must have been and he endured it alone. Deborah goes out of her way to not talk about what she did. As does her family. They try to hide it and that sickens me. I have been in touch with people who have been close to her, some have even been in prison with her. They all say the same thing, she never has even mentioned Nick's name. Nick would be 26 now. So many what if's. So many could of's. I have no hope of ever watching him get married. I have no hope of holding his children. I never got to watch him grow up into a man. I like to think he would be a husband and father now. I try to imagine what he would look like, but all I will ever have is a dream. I read through all of the parole transcripts yesterday, and you know what Deborah Soule has? She has hope of getting out. Getting out to be with her daughters and to be able to hold her grandchildren. She portrays herself as someone who just snapped one day and that simply isn't true. She abused Nick for months. She is the worse kind of evil, she preys on the weak and the innocent. The ones who can't fight back. Well this Momma can and will fight back. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I will not "move on" and I will not "get over it". Not Ever. Deborah Soule goes up for parole again later this year. Please help me be Nick's voice and sign the petition against her release. Here is the link for the petition 2019 Petition A letter to the Parole Board will also help greatly. Here is the link to the Parole Board for letters Letter to Parole Board Please use her DIN # 96G0391. Thank you all for your kindness and support. Together we can be Nick's voice and stand up against this monster.
If you want to read his story you can click on Blog Archive and then click on 2013, Nick's story starts there.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Parole was denied!
Thank you all so much for your signatures and letters of support. Together, we are Nick's voice!